Category Archives: Shea Rocheleau

Legacy

IMG_2587

It’s hard to think of the word legacy this month without thinking of Beth Gurley. My dear friend left such a legacy behind when she was met in Heaven with open arms on September 11th.

I’m awful at remembering years because some memories feel like yesterday while others feel like decades have passed. I first met the amazing Beth through her daughters, Kathryn and Sara (Meredith is the oldest and was already out of their house by this time). Kathryn was interning with us at SMC and helping me learn the lay of the land since I was new on staff. I immediately noticed something different about the Gurley Girls, it was about WHOSE they are. Usually when I come across a young person who shows such remarkable faith and strength I seek out their parents. I have this ridiculous need to know them and find out what they did to make their kids awesome sauce. Thus, my crush on Beth began.

IMG_2586

When you first met Beth you noticed her smile. It wasn’t just her perfectly polished teeth, it was the fact that her smile started with her mouth and ended with a radiance from her eyes-that could only come from a deeply rooted faith and relationship with The Lord. How I wanted to be Beth Gurley from that moment on!  Her faith, her joy, her love for others, her devotion to her family, her desire to be more like Jesus, and a gazillion other things have had me saying I want to be like her when I grow up.  If I can be half the woman of God she was I will consider myself a success.

IMG_2585

As a small group leader, Beth challenged her girls to be more like Jesus, to get to know Him, to study His word and to not take themselves so seriously. Beth left a hole in our ministry when she left to spend more time doing her mission, Step Up. I have no idea how many families are changed because Beth and Jim created Step Up and NEVER waivered from their dedication to it, even when the dreaded C word entered their lives. But I do know, her unfailing determination to serve those less fortunate made a difference in our community.

Once the evil C started battering her body, Beth refused to allow it to steal her joy. Beth knew JOY was not based on her circumstances, but was a gift from God. She freely shared it with others. C would cause her great pain, but you could still look into her eyes and see the sparkle of joy and life and love.  I would call Beth to check in on her and I would end up crying the entire time.  I’m a really good friend like that.  She would remind me the worst thing that could happen to her would actually be the best thing-to wake up in the arms of Jesus.  And she’s so very right, but the human woman remaining on earth knows what we are all missing out on without her here.

IMG_2584

But legacy…her legacy of faith, hope, trust, love, joy, peace, laughter, radiance, perseverance, kindness, goodness, gentleness, patience, and self-control are things that the rest of us can aspire to because of her legacy. Beth devoured The Word and it was clear The Word resided within her, oh what a legacy.  Beth served with a gracious heart, oh what a legacy.  I can think of countless verses in the Bible that come to mind when I think of her and her legacy:

Proverbs 31:10-31

Galatians 5:22-23

Isaiah 40:31

Revelation 21:4

And so many more verses because her legacy is of God.

Shea

daddy 2012

Healing Touch

IMG_0600

file

Were you aware there are people in the world who do not like hugs or being touched? It’s hard to comprehend as a native southerner who offers a hug with an introduction; even though my oldest sister would prefer having her nose hairs individually waxed instead of receiving a hug. I wholeheartedly admit I know no boundaries when it comes to hugging, just ask my sister or sweet John Hillary. When he sees me coming, he starts squeezing inside himself preparing for the hug I HAVE to give him.  I have a few precious friends gifted in massage, their touch over many occasions has brought me great healing and peace.

One of my favorite professors in college would walk around us as she taught or we took exams and place her hand on our shoulders. I imitated her when I was a teacher, hoping to encourage my students with a hand on their shoulders or a hug when needed. Knowing that not all children have people giving them touches of love. This week I was talking with a friend who recently moved into a senior living facility. She spoke of a young staff person who made it his mission to hug everyone daily. She asked him about it and he said for many residents that is the only touch they receive.  Part of the training the Mexico mission team receives explains touch-the good and the bad. Because some children have only experienced touch in a negative form, our natural tendencies to reach out and hug them can do more harm than good. We have learned to ask permission before we hug and rejoice when we not only get to hug, but when hugs are initiated and returned.

Oh, how my heart cried thinking of people missing the human element of touch due to lack of people willing to hug or as a result of trauma. There’s a reason God created our skin to be our biggest organ, filled with touch sensors. These sensors warn us of pain or heat or itchy things and provide a newborn with a sense of belonging, love, and trust that remains with them for life. Scientific studies have shown that touch can be decoded as a form of nonverbal communication across a diversity of developed countries. Touch can communicate tenderness, compassion, anger, love, gratitude, happiness, and fear within seconds. Just the physical act of a kind and warm touch lowers blood pressure and releases the “love hormone,” oxytocin. And it goes both ways, those that give hugs for example, also have a similar physiological reaction.

The Bible gives several accounts of the power of touch.

Mark 6:56 “And wherever he came, in villages, cities, countryside, they laid the sick in the marketplaces and implored him that they might touch even the fringe of his garment. And as many as touched it were made well.” Healed, by a touch. Have you experienced a hug that instantly made you feel peace or loved or cherished? Can you even imagine the feeling of being healed by Jesus simply touching you?

Mark 8:22-25 gives another account of Jesus healing by touch. “They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eye and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?” He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.” Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.”

 In Mark 5:28, we read about the woman who had bled for years. “For she said, “If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.”

 These accounts are about more than physical healing.  The spiritual blindness (faith) of those around Jesus was healed as well.  The act of touching them proved Who He was in a way that words could not. The way we reach out with a gentle touch or a warm embrace can offer healing and hope and a reminder that we aren’t alone. God created us to be in community where we would use our touch receptors on a regular basis.   Keep hugging, keep healing.

Shea

At Least My Earrings Still Fit

Tears stream down my face, it feels like the release of a dam sliding down my cheeks, onto my clothes and even dripping onto my feet. I came here to love on children, to watch our students develop a stronger faith, to experience my husband’s first mission trip. I didn’t come here to fall on my knees but that’s where I am.

It’s Wednesday night of our week long mission trip in Monterrey, MX. We’ve worked hard every day. We’ve been hot, dirty, smelly and we’ve completely fallen in love with everything Back2Back has to offer. Everything, from the seriously delicious authentic Mexican food to sweating with the kids to mixing concrete. Tonight we’re having extended worship because regular worship isn’t already amazing enough we need more of it. Tonight there’s communion, there are prayer stations, there are people waiting to pray with you and for you. I’ve been worshiping, pouring my heart out to God with praise for His faithfulness in my life. I’ve been pulled aside by students asking for prayer or just to be loved on. It’s been the most fulfilling part of the trip for me. Seeing our students grasp His infinite love for them and grasping He’s only just beginning to work in their lives is why I do what I do.

Then I feel God nudging me. Actually, He bulldozes me. I am just sitting-thinking how wonderful this week has been, how I’ve loved these students and how thankful I am to be a part of this life changing week. He knocks me down and reminds me I’m not being who He created me to be, I’m allowing too much to get in the way of His plans for my life. I’m allowing years of low self-esteem and recent actual self-hatred over my body image to derail His purpose for me. Because I don’t like me I’m having trouble seeing anything but the me I don’t like. The Bible warns us that anything that takes our focus off God is an idol.

Romans 1:25 “For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.”

I took how God feels about me and traded it for what I feel about myself. If you know anything about me I do not ever like letting people down. But here I am, letting God down by not taking His truth and allowing the lies to be what drives everything I do. If I fully believed the truth then there’s no way I could ever think I’m anything less because I may weigh more. But the lies I’ve heard and the lies I’ve told myself over the years were louder than the truth of His great love for me.

Over the years I’ve heard things like “You would be so much prettier if you just lost weight.” “You shouldn’t wear horizontal stripes.” “You cannot wear those kinds of pants and please don’t ever wear shorts.” I’ve also told myself plenty of lies. “Your value is equal to the number on a scale or the size of your pants.” “No one loves a fattie.” “If I were a size ___ I would be so much happier.” I continued to bash myself with words of hatred and dislike. I look in the mirror and instead of seeing a child of God, I see an overweight mom struggling through all of life.

But that night in Mexico, God reminded me that He created me in His image. He wanted to know how I could despise His image. He reminded me of words I use with my children, “God made you perfectly for His plans.” How could I tell my children who struggle with being seen for who they are instead of what they have about perfect creation when I wasn’t believing it for myself? I was slammed.

I walked over to one of the Back2Back staffers and with a shaky voice asked her to pray for me. For the first time, to someone other than my husband who adores me, I shared how I felt about myself. Truly felt, deep down to the bone. She prayed to our God to allow me to let go of these feelings, to forgive those who have lead me to hold onto these feelings. She prayed for me to know and feel His mighty hand of comfort and grace over me. She prayed that in my despair I would truly know how much He loves me, His creation, for who I am. Not for what I weigh or how I dress or my silver hair; but He loves me because God doesn’t make junk. She beautifully prayed over me for what felt like hours. God spoke so clearly through her I felt as if He was there, holding my hands and pouring His love into me. She prayed for me to no longer have those thoughts and feelings.

I went to Mexico to share His love to children down there who may not experience His love through family members. I went to Mexico to watch our students find their purpose. I went to Mexico to watch my husband discover there’s so much more for him in this life. I went to Mexico hating myself and left loving me for Whose I am.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3 NIV

I’ve been home for a while now. The struggle is real. There are days I can’t hear Hope’s prayers for me. There are clothes that I’m sure the dryer shrunk. There are moments of weakness (did someone say chocolate?). There are pool days, beach days, going out in public days. There’s the skinny sister, the skinny friend, the looks I read into as disgust. There’s exhaustion, there’s stress, there are countless responsibilities. There’s a closet full of clothes with more size ranging than the clearance rack at Target. There’s a hope that today I’m not the largest person in the room. There are lab results that are glaring truth. But there is a God whose truth is so much brighter. And that’s the truth I’m holding onto, grasping for, living for.

Shea

What Is Silent Peace?

Merry Christmas friends! You know one of the things I love about this season is sharing it with y’all. Seeing your faces light up in anticipation about what’s to come reminds me of how others waited expectantly for hundreds of years for Jesus to arrive. I imagine no one expected Him to arrive the way He did. I mean, God could have chosen a billion ways to drop Jesus, our Savior, into the world. He chose a baby.

Do you remember when your children or siblings were just born, a tiny bundle of sweet love? That baby, while wonderful and loved and sweet and smelling good, still brought a bit of chaos to your house, right? That baby didn’t sit quietly through every meal or sleep through the night and you probably had to be home for early bedtimes and you did more laundry than ever before in your life. Chances are you had moments where you wanted to hide in your room to find some peace.

And there lies the difference between our children and Christ coming as a baby. Jesus came as peace, He’s actually known as the Prince of Peace. In the Old Testament book of Isaiah, we are given a glimpse of what’s to come:

For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us;
And the government will rest on His shoulders;
And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Eternal Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6)

Now, this verse comes hundreds of years before Jesus is even born!!! That’s a lot of waiting for peace! Can you imagine what it must have been like to be present for the greatest PRESENT of the world?

What are some things we have to wait for these days?

Our next birthday
Summer vacation
Cookies to finish baking and cooling.
Christmas day to open presents

How many of you are hoping for a white Christmas? Waking up to loads of snow on the ground just waiting for you to jump in and play? I’ve only experienced a white Christmas a few times in my life. But I do love a good snow day. Even better than a snow day is a snow night! I remember as a child falling asleep after watching the news saying to expect snow overnight, it was always so hard to fall asleep, wanting to wake up and play in the snow. Two years ago I tucked my boys into bed with anticipation of them waking up to a snow day. Instead of my trying to fall asleep, I grabbed some hot chocolate and made my way to the back porch. From there I sat, bundled up, watching the snow fall. There were no sounds, it was as if the snow pushed the mute button on the world. No birds were chirping, squirrels weren’t chasing, even the creek was silent. There was peace and quiet like I had never experienced. I didn’t want to move or do anything to disturb that feeling. I wanted to capture it to hold onto when my world doesn’t seem at peace.

Y’all, the good news if I don’t have to capture that moment because when Jesus was born, He delivered that peace. All we have to do is ask Him to pour His peace out on us. It never hurts to seek peace, or moments of quiet, but know that HIS PERFECT PEACE was delivered in a manger for you and for me.

Shea

Known and Loved

October 15th is International Baby & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Starting at 7pm participants begin lighting their candles & burn them for a period of at least one hour. For the past few years our family has taken part in this moment to remember our firstborn, Harris Michael. This is a practice we never thought we would participate in for ourselves when we first found out he was on the way.

For nine months, Jim and I loved on our baby. We named him Harris from my maiden name and Michael from Jim’s dad. Such strength, such hope, such promise in one name. Our families were thrilled and in love, he would be the first grandchild in my family and a boy!!! My second graders loved him, my friends loved him, geez, strangers loved him.

Harris was due January 14th, 2004. Being the only Rocheleau to be right on time, not late or super early, I went into labor that day. We ate dinner, I showered; thinking these were things I wouldn’t have much time for after he was born. Once I stepped on the mother/baby floor of the hospital my life (our lives) changed forever.

The myriad of feelings that flooded my world then still sneak up now. The feelings of being told Harris didn’t make it. Of looking at Jim reminding him we were still together. The looks of my family as they walked into the hospital. The gentle hugs from loved ones. The phone calls my precious assistant made. The careless words spoken. The kindness from countless people. The pain of an unexpected surgery. The empty arms. The broken heart. And so many more.

Those feelings crept back this Sunday when I listened to stories of love and loss. I listened to a couple share about several losses over 30 years ago. Thirty years ago when no one would dare speak of it much less write anything about it. This couple has only begun to truly grieve the loss of their babies. They’ve also learned to fully trust God’s perfect plans for their lives.

Where was God in the midst of this? Why didn’t He step in and help Harris’ little heart keep beating as the doctor tried to save him? If God is for us, how does this happen? Those questions bombarded us almost fourteen years ago. But they don’t anymore. Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” became my life mantra. I learned to trust in His working things together for good. I gave up my quest for answers and accepted THE answers of hope, promise, love and mercy.

Just this week Brady was lamenting over his bedroom not being painted ever. When I reminded him his bedroom at our old house was painted he said, “But that was for Harris, not for me. Which room would have been mine?” I replied, “Brady, there might not have been a you if Harris lived.” To which he wisely and in true Brady fashion said, “That would have been a very boring life.” Yes, B, it would have been terribly boring without your wit and joy and expansive love for life. God has a perfect plan and I’m choosing to trust Him daily with the details.

If your heart has been broken and your arms still ache over baby loss, know you’re not alone. Know that there are people out there who want to hold your hand while you share your story. Know there are people out there who will remember your baby’s details, celebrate the life too shortly lived, and love on you when the memories overtake you. Know there are people who will not shirk away from you speaking your child’s name. Know, above else, that God’s perfect plan for our lives included the life of your baby. Know that God loves you, loves your baby, and feels your pain.

Shea